


hold your breath (like you used to hold me)

by ineffableangel (InfallibleAngel)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Married Life, POV Shift in the middle, Sad Ending, Smut, The Author Regrets Everything, Tomione side pairing, War, first wizarding war, this ends sadly sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 06:56:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19740526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfallibleAngel/pseuds/ineffableangel
Summary: "When two people love each other and can't make that work, that's the real tragedy."





	hold your breath (like you used to hold me)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to fundamentalblue for her help and evenasifall for cheering me on! Also, apologies to Serpent in Red if she reads this!

It was the happiest day of her life. She was wearing a yellow dress and Antonin himself had picked the sunflowers for her bouquet. They had decided the previous night to finally say their vows in a small ceremony and owled their closest friends inviting them to Antonin’s house. Luna had never thought she would get married; she had always seen herself as a bit of a vagabond, but she loved Antonin and decided that it was time.

He had been shocked at first when she showed him the ring and asked, but then laughing, he pulled out another ring from his robes and they both said yes.

Hermione poked her head into the bedroom with a smile, “Luna they’re all in the garden, are you ready?”

“Yes,” she replied. She wished her father was there to see her today, but he was long dead in a war that had no end in sight.

Antonin was wearing nice robes and he grinned when he saw her walking towards him. He had asked Tom to conduct the ceremony and she had asked Hermione to be the witness.

“I love you,” he said as she reached him. This was what the rest of their lives were going to be like. “Our love is strong enough to last the storm.”

The war was on everyone’s minds, the Order grew bolder as the days passed, last week Greg Goyle had been cursed so badly they thought he would die. She didn’t understand why the Order was so intent on hurting them when all they wanted was to live freely and not have to hide from muggles any more. The Death Eaters used to have anti-muggleborn sentiment before Hermione joined them but the Order didn't believe they had changed. She had been scared that the war would cost Antonin his life, but he had promised that their love was strong enough to last the storm, that he would be safe.

“I love you.” The war was terrible, but for one night everyone ignored it as they celebrated love.

  
  


-

  
  


Tony was late. He always tried to be on time, so him being late worried her. They had to leave to go to Bellatrix and Rodolphus’ engagement party soon but he said he had to pop over to Diagon Alley first. She paced in the foyer as her mind raced, had there been an attack in Diagon Alley? Should she floo the Leaky and check? What if she was making a fuss over nothing and he was just chatting with someone he met?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a pop of apparation and she sighed in relief as she felt the familiar arms wrap around her from behind.

“I was worried,” she said as she relaxed into his embrace.

“I’m sorry, they didn’t have what I had in mind so I had to get them to make it,” he murmured as he kissed her hair and then shook a large box he held in front of her gently.

She took the box and gasped as she opened it, it held a crown made of Arbutus, Lily of the valley and red carnations with ribbons tied to it.

She turned around to face him, and standing on her toes she kissed him. “Tony I adore it.”

Giving her a soft smile, he cupped her jaw in his hand and slowly rubbed his thumb along her cheek. “And I adore you.”

He took the crown from the box and gently placed it on her head, adjusting the ribbons trailing down from it. “You look perfect, everyone will be jealous.”

“Hopefully not Bella, otherwise she’ll hex you.”

  
  


-

  
  


Luna laughed as Antonin spun her around the ballroom and continued his story, “—so despite having no idea what a lentifold is, he insisted that it was a pastry with such confidence we were half-convinced we were wrong and it was actually a pastry.”

The waltz ended along with his anecdote, and looking around they spotted Tom and Hermione beside them. They had been dancing together all night and had to dance with someone else for at least one dance. Kissing Luna's hand, Antonin made his way to Hermione whisking her away for a dance as Tom approached Luna.

“Tom,” she greeted as the music started up again and they began dancing.

“Luna,” he replied with a small quirk of his lips, “Marriage suits you.”

She laughed slightly, “And love suits you.”

“I hear you’re looking into blood runes now?”

“Oh yes,” she said as he spun her, “That way I can go looking for crekuips without worrying about manticore attacks.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, “Crekuips?”

Luna nodded and was about to explain when they noticed a commotion near the entrance of the ballroom. A couple of aurors had appeared and seemed to be arguing with Rabastan. Luna didn't trust aurors, they were all caught up in the Rotfang conspiracy. Tom frowned as more aurors apparated in, and Rabastan looked a little worried.

“Let’s get rid of them and continue this dance,” he said as they moved towards the aurors. A couple of people had stopped dancing as well to watch what was happening.

The auror held out a piece of paper and muttered something smugly to Rabastan just as Tom interrupted, "What seems to be the problem, Mr Crouch?"

“I have been authorised by the Minister to search the premises for Dark artefacts or proof of Death Eater activity."

Tom nodded and with a glance at Rabastan, he said smoothly, "I thought no one knew who these Death Eaters were? Is the Minister encouraging baseless accusations against innocent wizards now?"

Crouch grinned smugly at that, “An anonymous informant said that they had reason to believe there was Death Eater activity here.”

Rabastan left and quickly walked over to Rodolphus. Most people had stopped dancing by now, but the charmed orchestra still played.

“Alright then,” said Tom with a placid wave of his hands, “If your anonymous informant said so.” He turned over to Luna and whispered, “Find Antonin and both of you go home, tell Hermione to apparate home as well.

Luna nodded, walking away quickly as Tom read the document Crouch had handed over carefully. “Tony, Tom told us to go home. Hermione you too,” she said as soon as she reached them. Someone had finally charmed the orchestra to stop, and a lot of people were apparating out.

Tony and Hermione both frowned at that, “Where’s Tom?” she asked as Tony said “I’m not leaving” at the same time.

“Talking to the aurors, they’re looking for proof of Death Eater activity.”

Hermione scowled and with a quick goodbye she made her way to Tom, but Tony looked pensive. “Okay,” he said after a moment taking her hand, “Let’s go.”

  
  


-

  
  


Luna bit her fingernails as she tried to concentrate on the book she was reading. It was a fascinating book about Nagas but she found herself reading the same paragraph over and over again. It was late and Tony still hadn’t come home, he had left hours back to meet the Death Eaters and was supposed to be home by now, but these things often took time.

The bedroom fireplace glowed green as Tony stumbled out of it and fell to his knees. Abraxas poked his head through, and on seeing Luna he said “He’s a bit hurt but it’s not anything too serious,” before vanishing.

“Tony?” said Luna as she got on her knees in front of him and helped him get to his feet. They stumbled over to the bed and he held her face in his hands looking at her for a moment before kissing her deeply.

“What happened?” she asked as he pulled away slightly. He had a couple of bruises and cuts, but she couldn’t spot anything that wouldn’t heal in a day.

He got off the bed and walked over to their bedside table before pouring himself a glass of water and taking a deep swig, Luna by his side in case he fell over. “Crouch authorised the use of Unforgivables and Dark Magic.”

Luna gasped, her hand covering her mouth. Crouch had become the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement a couple of weeks back and he was ruthless. The Prophet was owned by the Ministry and they seemed to support his ‘kill first ask questions later' agenda, but it was horrifying to read about.

“Didn’t Barty warn you about it?” she asked as she held onto his hand to make sure he was there.

“He didn’t know what his father was planning.”

“Tom won’t be happy.”

"No, he really won't."

Antonin leaned over, giving her another kiss, as Luna wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling the quiet desperation he conveyed.

“I thought I wouldn’t make it back to you,” he mumbled against her lips, and she leaned forward capturing his lips again and slowly licking his bottom lip.

“You always have to make up back to me,” she said as he moved to her neck. “You promised.”

And then she was off her feet and against the wall, Tony holding her tightly and her one hand around his neck, the other in his hair. She wrapped her legs around him as he gently bit down on her neck before making his way to her chest.

She groaned as he took his mouth away, she didn’t want him to stop, but he tugged off her sleep shirt and got right back to work, taking an erect nipple in his mouth.

“Tony,” she gasped as she clutched onto him tightly, her nails digging into his shoulder. Shifting her slightly, he reached up and traced a lazy circle around her other nipple with his finger as she began pushing his robes off.

She unhooked her legs from around his waist as he got back to her neck, "Tony, robes off" she said as he set her down, and with a small chuckle he shrugged them off, dropping them into a pile on the floor.

There were little cuts on his torso and he groaned as she licked the blood off one of the cuts. “Luna,” he said, a warning in his voice and she looked up at him, her eyes alight with mischief. She knew exactly what the sight of her with blood on her lips did to him. Closing her eyes she licked the blood off another cut before murmuring a healing spell against his skin.

She was about to heal another one when he picked her up, and dumped her on the bed, leaning over to get a pillow under her headfirst. "You're too much trouble for your own good," he said tugging on her bottom lip with his teeth and licking away the blood from her mouth as she giggled.

His cool fingers traced a line down her sternum to the edge of her knickers and she moaned as he tugged them down to the edge of her knees and stroked her slit with his fingers, feeling how wet she was.

“Tony,” she mumbled her voice increasing with every word as he teased her, “Tony, Tony, stop teasing.” He obeyed, slowly entering her with his fingers and making a ‘come hither’ motion inside of her. His tongue circled her nipple and his hands continued to work her, pressing down on her clit until she was gasping, arching her back and tugging on his hair painfully as she held him close.

She could feel him shaking with laughter against her as she unclenched her fists, “You’re going to pull out all my hair one day,”

“That will keep you safe from green-ants, they use hair to make nests," she said as he kissed her again. She reached over and unbuttoned his pants, pushing them off and kicking off her knickers as she took him in her hand and gave a languid stroke. He groaned into her mouth as she lined him up against her and with a quick thrust he entered her.

He was relentless, his strokes a rhythm with an ever-increasing tempo. She gasped as he hit a spot inside her and her head was spinning with what she felt. Tony had nearly died tonight, and he would go off tomorrow and nearly die, and the day after that and after that until one day he died. She held onto him tight, she wouldn't let death have him, and she whimpered as he touched her there and there and there and her nerves sang.

He rode out her orgasm until he was there as well, and they were both sated and panting.

Afterwards, he held her close as she played with his hair and he said, almost too quiet for her to hear, “What if this war doesn’t end?”

She placed her hand on his cheek as she looked at him. “It will,” she said, her words echoing a confidence she did not feel, “And until then our love will get us through. Strong enough to last the storm remember?”

“Strong enough to last the storm,” he whispered as they fell asleep.

  
  


-

  
  


It had been a lovely day and Luna had a wonderful time getting lost in the woods, tracking a pegacorn. Tony was busy with the Death Eaters and when she moved into his house she had been worried she would feel trapped with nothing to do, but he never stopped her from going wherever she liked. She left the country for weeks sometimes, but she always came back home to him. Sometimes being free meant choosing not to go, but to stay.

The moment she apparated in, she realised something was wrong. Tony was pacing the length of the room and seeing her, he let out a sigh of relief and took her in his arms.

“Tony? What’s wrong? You’ll crush the belladonna, be careful.”

"There was an attack on Malfoy Manor by the Order," he said pulling away and taking her face in his hands. "I didn't know if they had been over here as well and I didn't know where you were, I was about to inform the Dark Lord that I couldn't find you."

“I’m fine, I was in the woods tracking a—”

“The  _ woods _ ?” he interrupted, “Luna they’re filled with dark creatures, and the Order camps there sometimes.”

“I can take care of myself, don’t be worried, I’m safe.” Her reassurances fell on flat ears as Antonin fretted over hypotheticals.

“—and no one would even be able to help you, and I wouldn’t know where you were or what happened and with the aurors using unforgivables—”

“Tony,  _ Tony _ , look at me.” He stopped his rambling as she took his face between her hands and forced him to look at her. “I’m okay, we’re okay.”

“You could have been dead,” he murmured, lifting a hand and slowly stroking her hair, “I don’t know what I would do if that happened.”

“But I’m not. If it makes you feel better, I’ll stay at home when you’re out.”

He nodded, “Knowing you are safe would make me feel better, especially when fighting.”

"Then it's done," she said, giving him a quick kiss. Love was about sacrifices, and she knew that when you found a place where your heart belonged, you'd never need to leave, you'd never cease to be free.

  
  


-

  
  


Tony was on a mission, Tom had sent him to retrieve something or the other and he was meant to return the very next day, but he didn’t come home.

And he didn’t come home.

And he didn’t come home.

And he didn’t come home.

And all she could do was wait.

When he finally came home, he refused to tell her what had happened, just that it had all gone very wrong.

  
  


-

  
  


“If you took the title of Lady Dolohov, they wouldn’t have turned you away. They heard Lovegood and thought you were affiliated with the Order.”

“Tony don’t start, I’m not angry, these are difficult times,” she said sitting on the fainting couch and leaning onto the side rest. She pulled out a tiny piece of fibre beside her face as he sat by her knees.

“ _ I’m _ angry,” he muttered, “No one should be treating you like that and I’ll have words with the owner.”

“You don’t need to, I’m just tired.”

“Being Lady Dolohov wouldn’t even change anything since we’ve already said our vows.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she glared at him with steel in her eyes. “I said no. I told you this before our vows, I don’t want children—”

“Thank Merlin for that.”

“—and I’m going to stay Lovegood. No hyphenations or titles or anything. I’m the last Lovegood and my family will end with my death, not before it.”

He sighed, but slowly ran his fingers through her hair gently grazing her scalp with his nails. “It’s your name,” he said, his voice unhappy but resigned.

  
  


-

  
  


She had gone out looking for crekuips and was tired when she apparated back to the house. It had been a hot day and she hadn’t found anything since crekuips preferred cooler weather. The first thing she saw on the drawing-room floor was the blood. The second was the body.

She screamed, dropping her bag near the entrance and rushing over, falling to her knees in the pool of blood—there was so much blood. She waved her wand trying something, anything but the witch was long dead. Luna knew her, she worked in Diagon alley, and always kept aside books she thought Luna might like. She was nice.

“Luna? Where were—” Tony’s voice broke through the room as he entered, stopping as he saw her holding the body. “Fuck,” he swore, before saying, “Luna? Love, it’s okay.”

He walked over to where she knelt in the pool of blood and slowly pulled her away from it. Her hands were covered in blood, “She’s dead.”

“Yes, I’m sorry,” he whispered as she washed her hands trying to get all the blood out. “I had just gone up to change, I’m sorry I left her there.” He reached up to touch her face but she moved out of his grasp.

“You shouldn’t have killed her.”

“She was a part of the Order. Look, I’m sorry, I’ll keep it out of the house okay? I promise.”

“I knew her,” whispered Luna as he wrapped his hands around her and gently stroked her hair, “She was nice to me.”

"This is war, my love, I'm sorry."

  
  


-

  
  


She took a shuddering breath. She had been putting this off for months now, but it simply had to be said. “This isn’t working out Antonin.”

He looked up in shock from the dinner he was eating. Surely he knew already, they were both miserable here. “What do you mean?” he asked his voice part confusion, part disbelief.

“Us. We’re miserable here, my love.”

He blinked, his brows furrowing and mouth twisting up. “So you want to leave me?” he asked, his voice incredulous, echoing in the dining room of his house. She had thought that with time she would feel like this house was hers as well but even after all these years it still felt like his.

“No,” she admitted, “But I also can’t stay here, it’s driving me mad. I thought I could do it, but I can’t.”

“If this is about the mudblood, I said I would never do it in the house again, Luna, and I won’t.”

She sighed, she usually would just wander away from conversations she didn’t like but this was one conversation she can’t walk away from. “She was a  _ witch _ , Tony, and I knew her, she was nice to me. It isn’t just that though, it’s everything.”

“So you’re making me choose between you and our goals.” The fork he held in his hand shook slightly with barely suppressed fury. The angriest she had ever seen him was when one of his friends had tortured her. She had thought Tony would rip him apart there and then, but she had managed to coax him away from that decision.

“I would never,” she interrupted before he could continue with that. “I know how much it means to you, but I can’t just sit here in this house waiting for you to let me leave.”

He dropped his fork and ran a hand through his hair taking a ragged breath. “I’m doing this for us, love so that we can have a better life, a brighter future," he tried explaining. “I just want you to be safe.”

She took his hand in hers and held it. The table they were eating at was long but she always sat beside him instead of the other end of the table. "But we can't just sit around waiting for that future."

He grabbed his hand back and slammed it on the table. “We’re not sitting around, we’re building that future. And in the meanwhile we have all this,” he said, waving his hand to gesture at the plates of food on the table, the tasteful and elegant chairs, the beautiful curtains. Every aspect of his house was perfect, but it isn’t what she wanted.

“I never asked for any of this. The parties, the house, the clothes, the jewellery, it’s not  _ me _ . All I wanted was to be by your side and you can’t even give me that.”

“Yes and the way to do that is leaving my side,” he shot back rolling his eyes. “You get to look into whatever creature you want to, you get to run your magazine, you get whatever your heart desires and now you’re saying it’s not good enough?” He was yelling now, and got up from his chair as he continued, “You get all the benefits of being Lady Dolohov without even taking the bloody name and now that you’re bored you want to throw me away and leave?”

She knew it would come to this and she dug her nails into the palm of her hands as she told herself not to cry. She hated upsetting him, even though she knew this was the right decision her heart ached for the pain it was causing him.

But she was angry as well and rose to meet him. “I always told you I wanted to travel, I stayed here because of  _ you, _ Tony. And now you aren't even here anymore, you're off fighting all the time in a war that's never going to end and you think that all these things are an adequate replacement for the fact that I'm just sitting here terrified if you'll even come home. This place is a prison and I can't bear it anymore.” The one thing she asked for was his love, she had never asked for anything else.

“What happened to  _ a love strong enough to last the storm _ ?” he asked, and him spitting out their vow made her break. She looked down at their uneaten food as her eyes welled up with tears.

She refused to look at him as she prayed to whichever deity may listen that her voice would remain steady and confessed, “Some days I think you just enjoy the wild of the sea.” The deities didn’t listen and her voice cracked as it spilt over the lump in her throat choking her and the tears rolled down her face.

Stepping in front of her, he grabbed her chin forcing her to look up at him. He was furious, she could see that in his eyes, but he was also desperate and scrambling and hurt. They’d both been hurting for a long time but before this, they had refused to acknowledge it, and it had built up inside of them like a poison. “For someone who says they would never ask me to choose, Luna, this sounds an awful lot like asking me to choose,” he said softly, his voice cold.

“I’m not asking you to choose, I’m telling you that I’m leaving.”

“So you’ve made the choice for me then,” he said as he turned away from her and picked up a glass and threw it on the floor. “You can’t even let me have that? You’re always so selfish you just decide to do things and never think about how it will affect—” He turned back to her as she wordlessly picked up her wand from the table and cast a  _ repairo _ on the glass “Stop that,” he shouted, “Stop it, stop it, stop it.”

Finally, he raised a hand to her face cupping her cheek gently and wiping away a tear with his thumb. He had done this a thousand times before and she leaned into his touch knowing that this was the last time he would do this. Once she left she was never going to see him again, it would hurt too much. “I love you,” he said softly, “Luna don’t go. This war will be over soon and there are other death eaters who can take my place in the meanwhile and once the Dark Lord takes over—”

“No one can take your place," she cut in, "And if Tom wins then you'll still be doing this because there will always be people standing up to him. I love you too much to ask you to step away from it all. I'll always love you but I can't stay."

“Leave then, go, take all your things and go, never come back because if I ever see you again it will be your blood on the drawing-room floor, Luna Lovegood." Every word he said hacked away at her and left her a bruised, bloody mess. He refused to look at her as he sat back at the table and she longed to reach out and touch him, kiss him one last time but she knew she couldn’t.

Picking up her wand, she took a step away but turned around to look at him one last time. He was resting his elbows on the dinner table and he held his head in his hands. She didn’t want to remember him like this, she wanted to remember him whispering cheeky things in her ear at parties, catching gnomes for her, spinning her around the empty ballroom of their house, lying in bed with her, smiling as she read out descriptions of different mythological creatures.

“I’ll miss you,” she murmured. She hated seeing him look defeated, anything else would be better than this. “For me, it's always been you, Antonin, I love you with all my soul and I tried hard to make this work. I'm sorry."

He looked up at her one last time and his eyes were so cold, so detached, for a moment she wondered if all these years were even real. “If you were trying to make this work you should have told me you were unhappy before right now. Please leave.”

And with his words ringing in her ears and her sobs threatening to choke her again, Luna Lovegood left, stealing into the night, and Antonin Dolohov’s world got a little bit colder.

  
  


-

  
  


Luna's head hurt when she regained consciousness. It had been three weeks since she left Tony's house and the grief was fresh like a bleeding wound. She was trying to be better; she had set up camp in a forest and begun tracking what ever she could find, she would stumble on something eventually, but her heart was chained up in an empty mansion.

"Hello?" she asked, trying to look around. It was dark and her hands were bound and she was sitting on the floor of a dark room.

"Luna Lovegood, you're finally awake. We needed you conscious to bypass the wards of Dolohov Manor," said a man with a nasal voice.

“Amycus?” she asked, recognising the voice, “Why are you taking me to Antonin’s home? I left.”

“Oh, we’re all perfectly aware. He hasn’t been himself since you left, so we figured we’d do him a favour and deliver you to him as a gift. Watching you die is sure to cheer him up, Antonin loves that.”

Before she could counter he grabbed her and apparated her to the edge of Antonin’s house. Greg Goyle was already there and Luna was surprised— he had always been nice to her. “Greg don’t do this, Tony—” but he shook his head.

"You hurt him, Luna. He's gotten too reckless, it's like he wants us to lose. It's our lives on the line too."

A sharp gasp tore out of her as Amycus pressed a blade to her arm and used the blood to bring down the wards. "Now, Luna Lovegood," he said, dragging her by her still bound hands into the house that used to be her home, "We'll leave you close enough to death so that when Antonin gets home he can watch you die."

  
  


-

  
  


She was dead. She was dead and gone and cold in his arms, so cold he wanted to bundle her up but there was no point to it now was there? She looked so small in death he almost couldn’t believe it. Luna had been life in abundance, someone who sang to plants and petted creatures and spoke to people, it seemed wrong that death had gotten its clammy hands on her.

It was wrong, she had been robbed of her life, he had been robbed of seeing her again.

For how long had she waited there bleeding out on his floor? Had she hoped he would come and heal her? After everything they said, after everything they did, did she still have hope? Or did she remember that he said if he ever saw her again she would be bleeding out on his drawing-room floor? Had she thought he wanted this? Did she think he had done this?

He hadn’t meant to say it, he was angry and hurting and now she was dead because he couldn’t come home to a house that didn’t have her in it. He tugged off the ropes tying her, they had just left her there for him to find. Her skin was bruised like she had struggled to free herself. How many of them had been there? There were deep cuts all over her and she looked so pale she was already a ghost.

He picked her up gently from the pool of her blood and carried her upstairs to their bedroom. People often said that the dead looked like they were sleeping but even lying on their bed Luna didn’t look like she was sleeping. Was this his penance for killing all those people? He knew he wasn’t a good man, but if this was justice  _ he _ would be dead not her. The only bad thing Luna had ever done was love a bad man and she had paid for it with her life.

She would never laugh again, she wouldn’t go off looking for creatures in the garden, she wouldn’t come in all out of breath and tell him what she had seen, she wouldn’t brew potions on the kitchen floor, she wouldn’t water the plants in the library out of the same glass she was drinking from, she wouldn’t look at him and smile that one smile that started in her eyes and made it look like her whole body was smiling even though she had barely moved her lips.

She used to do so many things, every aspect of his life was affected by her. Her clothes were still in the dresser even weeks after she had left, her art things were still in the study where they used to sit together; him working, her painting. When they went to the races she would bet on the losing crup so it wouldn’t be alone in its loss, near a lake she would toss off her shoes and dip her toes in the water, in her sleep she would wrap her fingers around his hand.

He sank to his knees on the floor beside the bed and took her hand with trembling fingers. His eyes were blurred with tears, he couldn't even see her anymore. He thought he knew pain when she had left but this was so much worse. He didn't know what to do anymore, he would kill whoever did this to her but he didn't know what would come afterwards. Had they done it to hurt him? Left her body for him to find in his own house. It had to be death eaters, the wards would have alerted him if it was anyone else. Had they done this in a misguided attempt to cheer him up?

He wanted her to wake up and wrap her arms around him and tell him she was okay. He had been so cruel when she had left, why hadn’t he said something to make her stay? “I’m sorry,” he mumbled as the tears rolled down his cheeks, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Luna, please, I’m sorry.” It was pointless, all he could do was weep by her side. Luna wasn’t coming back from the dead.

-

The bright light streamed in from the window as someone drew the curtains apart. The light felt hollow, offensive, perverse. There shouldn't be light streaming into a place Luna couldn't see, it was unfair.

"Antonin what the fuck are you doing?" asked a cold voice. Tom. "Is she dead? For merlin's sake, how long have you been here?"

Antonin blinked up at his master, “My Lord?”

Tom rubbed his face with his hands and took a deep breath before continuing, “We haven’t seen you in days. What happened?”

“Someone killed her and left her here for me to find.”

“Okay, we’ll find them, and I’ll fetch Brax to help you but you have to pull yourself together.”

"I apologize for the trouble, but I can't serve you, my Lord. I have nothing else to give."

Tom rolled his eyes, but his voice remained calm, "We'll look into that after we kill the bastards who did this. Brax will arrange the funeral by tomorrow.

Antonin’s eyes widened, “Tomorrow? I can’t, it’s too soon.”

"Antonin," Tom said with another deep breath like he was doing his best to be gracious, "You cannot lie in bed with a dead body. Luna wouldn't want this for you."

Antonin nodded, and gently stroked her hair. She was so cold, it didn’t feel like her, but it was Luna. He heard the pop of apparation as Tom left, but it didn’t register, his mind was wherever she now was.

  
  


-

  
  


The funeral was terrible. Hermione sobbed the whole way through and Antonin couldn’t speak to anyone. Luna looked wrong lying there in a black dress when she had never worn black any day of her life, but Abraxas had arranged it all. Antonin didn’t know who said what, he was in a haze until they finally buried her in the Dolohov family crypt. His body would join hers when he died and he thought about burying her in the Lovegood family crypt but he couldn' bear to be parted from her.

Their last conversation would haunt him forever.

Tom approached him at the end of the funeral with three names, “Amycus Carrow, Gregory Goyle and Scabior”

They died screaming and begging for their lives but there was no relief tied to the action. It didn’t bring her back. 

**Author's Note:**

> yikes am i right? sorry xx


End file.
